With fear comes respect, with kindness comes abuse.

I was 10 minutes late for work today. The receptionist gave me a look, or he might didn’t.  It is widely acknowledged in my friend circle that I have become more and more paranoid observing peoples’ expressions trying to decode possible hidden meanings. 

Everything started when I broke my leg. I was hospitalised for few weeks and the only company I had was silly videos on You Tube, countless hours of waiting and the downloaded series George had stored in my lap top. My Ex-boyfriend George had downloaded for me some series he had religiously watched already and brought to our discussion every time he thought I was lying while we were still together. The series are called “Lie to me” and illustrated the life of a detective who according to people’s expression and gestures was able to find the one lying. In no scenario I was lying, I find no point in lying. Life is short for wasting time to lie and I wish to keep my nose short too. 

George was the one and only amongst my former boyfriends we actually stayed friends after the breaking up. We managed to enforce the “let’s stay friends” quota which is used in 90% of the teenage break ups. The reason was that I was never in love with him. He was a figure in my life that hugged me, supported me, loved me, really loved me but had nothing to teach me or to inspire me. And here comes the marketing. George is a big bloke with wide shoulders, arms with veins someone can actually count and the strong legs of a footballer; his heart is a kid’s heart with pure emotions. We started with one night stand after meeting in a club. Dub step had just kicked off, spreading its drum and bass vibes around making everyone dance. It made us dance too but it didn’t mean to last since I was looking for affection but not for a relationship. Could be modernity or just convenience that would be handy few centuries ago if people were more receptive to break the norm.

George fell in love with me because after my failed attempt to convince the German for a relationship I begun to figure out my mistakes and to become more spiritual, knowledgeable, I was forming opinions with criticism and my words had more power. All of a sudden I became stronger, even though I was still fighting inside to kill the feelings that stopped me from developing a powerful self. George was admiring those traits in me. I was an inspiration for him, the same way the German was for me. I had to draw the line. He couldn’t understand the reason and he started working out more frequently. C’ est la vie… you only live once.